Things to know up front:

You can enlarge the photos by clicking on them. Click the back arrow key to return to the post.

Every chapter in My Life Story includes information about me, my work, my family and my friends. It also includes information about events that took place locally and nationally, etc. that I thought important enough to include. You’ll also find that I’ve included films, musicians and recordings/videos, in addition to books that were released in a given year.

While I have included many personal photos, most of the graphic content included below is borrowed from the Internet. I do not claim to own this material. I am just adding it for educational purposes. If the owners of any of the content in the “My Life Story” series want their stuff removed, I am happy to oblige. My email address is jrdiaz@arizona.edu. Thanks!

1990 was not my best year, nor was it the worst. I felt like I was in limbo, however, biding my time in Ann Arbor until I could find my way back home to the Southwest. I continued to work at the Undergraduate Library, honing my reference and instruction skills, which I had started to develop when I was hired at the University of Michigan Undergraduate Library in the Fall of 1987. By this point, I had taught scores of classes and had spent hundreds of hours on the reference desk.  I had also begun to train reference assistants and to take on classes outside the usual Psychology and English courses we taught every semester. I also continued my involvement in diversity work, participating as a member of the Library Diversity Council, planning film festivals, exhibits and other programs, and engaging in continuous dialogue with my colleagues about issues like racism, sexism and homophobia. I helped co-found the Gay and Lesbian Library Association, was a member of a campus Latino support group called La Alianza, and had worked diligently to enhance the Undergraduate Library’s collections of Chicano literature and Gay studies materials. I felt good about this work in particular. I also continued in the Residency program, and enjoyed the seminars and other learning opportunities that were planned for us by the Library administration. I attended seminars with people like Sharon Hogan, Peter Hernon and the very colorful and radical Sanford Berman. My colleagues in the Residency program were very bright and interesting,  and I enjoyed their company. I still intensely disliked my immediate supervisor however, as she continued to try to hold me back. There was no pleasing her. She didn’t encourage me to go up for a promotion, but the Library administration did. Lucy Cohen, the head of personnel encouraged me to apply, so I went for it, and was granted a promotion to associate librarian in early 1991, in spite of my supervisor’s opinions about my worth. I wasn’t the only one to have issues with her. My colleague Karen had several major run-ins with her as did others in the department. She was a control freak and didn’t think any of us could do as good a job as she could. By the following year, she was “encouraged” by the Library administration to move on, so she started taking courses in the library school to pursue a PhD and was gone shortly thereafter.

My personal life was a mess. Brent and I continued to have our ups and downs. We just couldn’t please each other any longer, and he was never happy. He insisted that I continue going to counseling, which I did, although I thought it was a big waste of time and money. By the end of the year, he moved out for good and our relationship was over. I had a feeling it wasn’t going to work out. We weren’t a good match for each other, and we finally gave up trying to make it work. While at one point, the year before, I was infatuated with someone else, when Brent and I broke up there weren’t any other guys in my life in whom I was interested. By the end of the year, I was free as a bird, but lonely. I longed to go home.

I had good friends, however, and I had good times with them. My two friends Rhett and Judy were great drinking buddies. We would go out to the Blind Pig on Friday nights with my friend Mary Lynn, who was dating Rhett at the time, and have a blast, listening to live music, playing pool and dancing. The country band that played live music always opened with song, Apartment #9, an old Tammy Wynette classic. I just fell in love with that tune and went out in search of all the Tammy Wynette recordings I could fine. My friends and I would also go out bowling on Sunday afternoons. We all liked to drink and smoke weed, and had a great time together. My friend LeAnne was also a lot of fun, and I confided lots of things to her. She was, as I’ve said before, a bit on the kooky side, and had lots of issues, but she was always fun to talk to, and we got along great.

In 1990, I had also met another person who was very interesting. His name was Rupert Whitaker. I can’t remember how we met but h was a graduate student, and very interested in gay men’s literature. Somehow he found out that I was knowledgeable about the topic, and when we met he asked for reading recommendations, which I was more than happy to provide. We soon became good friends and would remain so for the entire year. The whole time we were friends, I had no real idea who Rupert was, but much later I learned that he had contracted HIV in the early 80s and that his partner was one of the first people in England to have died of AIDS. Rupert came from a wealthy family, and when his partner died, he established an AIDS research foundation in his partner’s memory. Rupert was studying to get his PhD when I met him, and he went on to become a well known AIDS researcher and activist, with several advanced degrees, as well as a strong patient advocate. Today he is one of the leading authorities on the virus and has lived longer with it than practically anyone else alive. At some point during our friendship, Rupert turned me on to Buddhism, and I began to attend meetings with him. I wasn’t a very good student however, and dropped out after a few sessions. I did get to meet a Rinpoche however, and that was quite a thrill. I’ll never forget the experience.

I was 31 years old in 1990, still young and “full of life” so to speak. Some people would say I was immature, and in hindsight, I guess I was. It took a long time to slow down, to stop smoking grass and to stop going out to the bars and drinking. I wasn’t happy at Michigan. I knew I needed to get back home sooner or later. I was just biding my time for the opportunity to go back. It would take another two years before I finally made it home.

1990 was also the year I started traveling in earnest. The previous year, I had taken just one trip, and that was to Dallas to attend ALA. In 1990 I took three trips. I went to ALA in Chicago in January and in March, I headed to Tucson with my friend Judy to visit my family, and then in June, it was back again to Chicago for another ALA conference. I loved Chicago, and had a great time exploring it.  As of today, I have visited the city 13 times altogether.

For my first visit there, I thought I would save some money, so I reserved a room at the YMCA on the corner of Clark and Chicago Ave. in the northern part of downtown, but it was a real dump. Everything was old and worn, and it was more like a “residence” than a “hotel”. I had a feeling the place wasn’t going to work out for me. After I checked in, I then went to a gay bar I had read about, The Gentry, on Rush St, and I met an older guy at the bar. We started chatting, and when I told him where I was staying, he was shocked, and he urged me to get the heck out of the Y, telling me that it was was a dump and that there were roaches and other critters everywhere in that place.  I told him I didn’t know where else to go, so he helped me find a room at the Bismark Hotel on Randolph St. The Bismark was a much nicer, but more expensive place, and was once a very elegant hotel. While it cost more, I didn’t have to worry about any bugs whatsoever. Thank God I ran into that guy.

I was in heaven in Chicago. It was a big city with lots to see, and boy I was sure adventurous! I took the train to the Pilsen district and it was a trip riding the train for the first time and seeing areas outside the downtown part of the city. I went there because I knew it had a big Mexicano population, and I wanted to look for Lucha Villa albums and other Mexican music. I bought some cassettes and a cd, but I don’t remember what exactly. The place I went to was called “Discolandia” and it was on W. 18^th St. I also visited the Lozano branch of the public library on 18^th Steet. My friend Pat Tarin had worked there at one point in her career. I got there early in the day, so there wasn’t a lot happening on the streets. I later made my way north to Boystown and ate at El Jardin on Halsted St. and bought an Aretha Franklin 12” single (Get it Right!)  at a record shop on Belmont. I must have also gone to the gay bars since I was up there in that area.

I did a lot of other stuff while in Chicago that particular time. I soaked it all in. I went to the Art Institute of Chicago and the Newberry Library. I tried to find the Peace Museum, and I did, but I think it was closed. I remember I walked a long way that day.

1990 was also the year I got to see Aretha Franklin perform live. It was the thrill of a lifetime to see her. I went with Brent and my friend Judy. I was initially going to go by myself and had bought a ticket, but then Brent and Judy wanted to go also, so I bought two more tickets, but they were up in the balcony, unlike the first ticket which was in the 11th row, much closer to the stage. I was bummed out because I decided to sit with Brent in the balcony and I gave Judy the good seat. She said the sound was perfect, unlike up in the balcony. I was bummed, but at least I got to see Aretha live. She still had her chops in 1990. In my opinion, by the end of the 1990s her voice had changed too much and didn’t sound as good.

I also saw Etta James and Sweet Honey in the Rock this particular year. Unfortunately, Sarah Vaughan  died in 1990. I was very sad about that. I had just seen her perform the previous summer.

My interest in music continued. Not only did I go to concerts, I also collected albums, cassettes and cds. I’ve mentioned before that Ann Arbor was a great place for music buffs. Schoolkids Records, Wazoo Records, Tower Records and other stores stocked some great, hard to find recordings. I became very interested in country music at this time, and started to collect more contemporary country musicians recordings. Carlene Carter, Dwight Yoakam and others were producing some amazing stuff at the time. I also continued to search out Latin music. After my mom died in 1988, I became obsessed with Lucha Villa and other ranchera singers, and was always on the lookout for their recordings. I eventually found her music, spread out all over the country, and I collected it one recording at a time.

I spent Thanksgiving with Brent and his family, and clearly remember that we went with his mom to see Dances with Wolves on Thanksgiving Day in Muskegon. What an amazing movie. The scenery was just breathtaking. By late December, Brent had moved out, and I spent the Christmas break by myself. I don’t remember much about it, but I know Brent wasn’t around. He was gone. We were together for six years altogether. We had some great times, and some very sad times. In the end, we just couldn’t make it work.

Things to know up front:

You can enlarge the photos by clicking on them. Click the back arrow key to return to the post.

Every chapter in My Life Story includes information about me, my work, my family and my friends. It also includes information about events that took place locally and nationally, etc. that I thought important enough to include. You’ll also find that I’ve included films, musicians and recordings/videos, in addition to books that were released in a given year.

While I have included many personal photos, most of the graphic content included below is borrowed from the Internet. I do not claim to own this material. I am just adding it for educational purposes. If the owners of any of the content in the “My Life Story” series want their stuff removed, I am happy to oblige. My email address is jrdiaz@arizona.edu. Thanks!

1989, the year I turned 30, was another difficult one for me. Looking back, I realize now that I was still in mourning over my mom’s passing, and that it took a long time to get over it. I wasn’t happy living in Ann Arbor or working at the Undergraduate Library, but I also realized that I couldn’t go back home. Everything there had changed. I felt stuck in a job I wasn’t crazy about, and I had piles of bills to pay. I couldn’t just quit. To top it off, my best friend Richard’s wedding took place in mid-January, and I had to miss it because I had spent so much money traveling back and forth to Tucson the previous year. I just couldn’t afford it. It was a real bummer.

My job duties continued to consist of providing reference service, building collections and doing instruction. I was also given more responsibility for managing the PIC program and conducting training sessions for our reference assistants, but before I knew it, I got into trouble, as I continued to have disagreements with my supervisor. I felt that the only reason she wanted me to manage the PIC program was because I was the only minority staff person around to handle it, and I felt used. One day the head of the Undergraduate Library also got on my case. She took me to lunch, and before I knew it, she was tearing me a new one. She told me that I’d better get with the program or else. It was a warning that if I wasn’t more cooperative towards my supervisor, I’d be let go, and it made me very angry. I wanted out. I hated Michigan at that point. I felt that I was surrounded by a bunch of racist phonies who were full of themselves and who didn’t really give a damn about people of color, much less students.

Thank goodness my friend Barb Hoppe was around. I’ll never forget her kindness and generosity. She took me out on a long walk one day when I was very depressed to look for “signs of Spring” and then we later drove to Muskegon together, making a pit stop in Lansing and Michigan State University, where she went to school.  She showed me where she grew up in Muskegon and took me to Lake Michigan to see the lighthouse. She knew I was a mess, and she was very supportive at a time when I needed a friend. We’re still good friends to this day.

My mom’s death wasn’t the only thing that had me down. I really missed home. I missed the food, the culture, the mix of Spanish and English that was spoken around town,  the desert and my friends. Ann Arbor, while having been known in the past as a progressive community, was turning into Yuppieville, and I just didn’t fit in. Bookstores and head shops were rapidly being replaced by frozen yogurt shops, high end boutiques and expensive restaurants. My Mexican working class roots and my own beliefs about who I was made me feel very different and out of place. After I had graduated from college, from  around 1983 to 1986,  I felt like I was sitting on top of the world. I had a popular radio show and was an actor in a radical street theater group, and I was interested in what was going on in the world around me. I felt like my radio show and involvement with the Teatro helped me make a real contribution to the betterment of my community. My children’s librarian job also made me feel like I was making a difference. At Michigan, I just couldn’t find my niche. I had no creative outlets, nor did I feel any sense of community with others who wanted to make positive change in the world. All I had was Brent, and he and I were drifting apart.

Around the beginning of the year, I found a group of Latino graduate students who liked to drink and party, and I started hanging out with them. They were from various places around the country, including Texas, California and New York. We all attended the after party when Michigan won the NCAA basketball championships, and were present when the students started going crazy on South University Blvd., turning over vehicles and lighting fires in the street.  I was having a lot of fun, but was also paying a big price for it. My relationship with Brent deteriorated to the point that he ended up moving out of our apartment for a while.

I also developed a crush on a student who was part of the group of Latino students I had met. He wasn’t gay however, but I felt like he really liked me, so I just ended up spending lots of time with him, but frustrated most of the time, and feeling guilty because I was falling in love, and Brent and I were still attached. One day a friend of the guy I had the crush on showed up, and this guy was really bad news. He had gotten into trouble in Los Angeles, apparently, and was “in hiding” so to speak. He brought drugs with him and was soon having them delivered from California via Fedex on a regular basis. Before I knew it, I was having a really good time and spending a lot of money. There was snow everywhere, even in late May.  One night while we were all at my friend’s apartment drinking and getting crazy, I made the mistake of throwing a basketball at him, saying “Catch!”,  while he was taking a swig of beer. The basketball hit the bottom of the bottle of beer, and in turn the bottle broke my friends two front teeth. Boy, what a mess that all turned out to be. That was the low point of the year for me. I was in really bad shape. My friend ended up going back home to California to get his teeth repaired, and I ended up feeling like a royal idiot and wanting to die. I also had to help pay to get his teeth capped. The party was over, that’s for sure.

By the time the American Library Association Annual conference rolled around in late June, I was really ready to get the hell out of Dodge. The conference was held in Dallas, Texas, and it was spread out all over the place. It was hot and muggy too. I roomed with my friend Karen and her husband Stuart in a dumpy hotel off the beaten path. It was a nightmare. However, there were some very interesting things that happened. My friend from Library School, Richard DiRusso, was also there at the conference, and he had borrowed a big Cadillac convertible from one of his friends who lived there in Dallas. Richard took me with him to the gay pride festival and we drove around town for a while. That was a lot of fun. Another thing that happened was that I decided to check out the employment placement center at the conference to poke around for possible jobs. I looked like a bum, but didn’t care. I was just there to look around. As luck would have it, however, I ended up talking to the people from the Chicago Public Library and the Los Angeles Public Library. There were children’s librarian positions available at both library systems, and I was very excited about the possibility of finding another job and moving away from Ann Arbor, to Chicago especially.

There were another couple of memorable moments at the conference. While walking downtown, I stumbled on a place called the Shrine of St. Jude. I went in while mass was being said, and stayed a while. My mother was a strong believer in St. Jude, who is known as the patron saint of lost causes, and man, was I feeling like a lost cause. It made me feel much better just being there. I prayed real hard that day for guidance and help. Finally, on the night before I was to head back to Ann Arbor, I happened upon a street concert in an alley at the West End of downtown, and lo and behold the band that was playing was War, one of the funkiest R & B bands of the 70s. I had a great time. They played all their big hits like “Why Can’t We Be Friends’, “Low Rider” and “The World is A Ghetto”. All for free, too! I’ll never forget that night. Hearing that music made me feel right at home.

Shortly after I returned from ALA, I had lunch with the head of Library personnel, Lucy Cohen. She and I had been getting together periodically for lunch since I started in 1987. Our favorite place to go was Pizzeria Uno’s. That day at lunch, I told her about ALA and that I was excited about the possibility of getting a job in Chicago. She told me that she had grown up in Chicago and tried to discourage me. She stressed that Chicago was cold and crowded and expensive and that I would hate living there. She wanted me to stay at Michigan, and assured me that things would get better if I gave it more time. Bless her heart. I told her I’d think about it.

A few weeks later, I heard from Lucy again, and apparently she talked to Carla Stoffle, the assistant director, about having me join the Library Residency Program as a “staff resident”. Carla had been instrumental in recruiting me to Michigan in the first place, and was the driving force behind all of the Library’s efforts to diversify its staff and services. Carla and Lucy didn’t want to give up on me so quickly, and I was very touched by their determination to keep me. I officially joined the Residency Program in September, 1989. My friend Karen was a resident, and my new office mate Gene Alloway, was also in the program. The Residency Program was known for recruiting top notch, recently graduated library school students to Michigan. Students were hired in “cohorts” and worked in a variety of jobs while in the program, which normally lasted two years. The group had easy access to library administrators and met regularly with the Assistant Dean and others. Guest speakers were also brought in to give lectures and conduct seminars. By the end of their two year stay, most residents could get a job wherever they wanted, as the program had an outstanding reputation. I felt lucky to be a part of it, and enjoyed the collegiality that my cohort developed. I also enjoyed learning from some of the profession’s top leaders. Being a part of the program also got me out of the Undergraduate Library more often, and away from my immediate supervisor, who I was convinced was determined to get rid of me.

Things weren’t all bad this particular year. I enjoyed all the learning opportunities that came my way, from taking time management classes, to hearing amazing speakers like Michael Olivas and John Stockwell, to attending ALA and other conferences like the Michigan Hispanic Leadership conference.  I also started doing presentations and getting published, as well as creating exhibits. I enjoyed these activities, and over time they would increase as I became more comfortable in my role as a contributor to the library profession.

I also got to see Bob Dylan in concert twice, once with Tom Petty and then with the great guitarist, G.E. Smith. I also saw Judy Collins, kd lang, Joe Jackson and Buffy Sainte Marie. Ann Arbor was a hopping place when it came to live music, and it also had plenty of bookstores, both new and used, and lots of record stores. A lot of great albums and movies were released this particular year, and I continued building my record and book collections. I also saw a lot of classic Bette Davis movies, and had begun watching television shows like Are You Being Served? and the Tracy Ullman show.

By the end of the year, Brent and I were back together, and we spent Christmas with his family in Twin Lake. It was a nice way to end the year. Brent’s sister had just had a baby girl and there was snow (real snow) all around. Brent’s family was very nice to me, and I felt at home with them whenever we visited. Of course, we were all sad because Mr. Bates was gone and so was my mom, but we still had each other, and a new baby in the family, which helped brighten things up.

As the year came to an end, I couldn’t help but feel that things would get better. They did, at least for a while.

I became very attached to my buddy Roberto, and unfortunately, this put a strain on my relationship with Brent. The following song reminds me of this time in my life. I was not thinking clearly, that’s for sure.

To see all of the materials that we used in this poster session, click here.