Personal life

By the time I turned 26, most of my life since adolescence had been consumed with looking for that one person that I could be in love with and who would love me in return. There were lots of guys along the way who I fell for, but all of them, with the exception of one, were out of reach. That one person who I did connect with stayed with me for 8 months from the summer of 1979 to early 1980, and I was quite happy for the bulk of that time. I loved having a companion. I felt complete, and I had a real friend. When we broke up, I was devastated, but I was young and resilient, and I survived. Work and school kept me busy, and I had lots of friends to spend time with. I have to admit, however, that those years when I was single again, between the summer of 1980 and winter of 1984, were rough. I hated being alone, I hated the bar scene, I partied too much, and I hated myself for trying to pretend I was straight when I dated women. Then one day in the middle of December, 1984, Brent Bates showed up in my life, and we fell in love. He was nine months older than me and was from Muskegon, Michigan. I spent the next six years of my life with him. Little did we know when we met, where our relationship would take us.

Brent moved in within a month after we had met, so he must have been settled in with me by the end of January. The house on Manlove St. that I had moved into the previous summer was nice and roomy, and there was plenty of space for two people.  Once again, I felt that I had what I wanted—to be in a relationship with someone I loved. The first 8 months of our time together were exceptionally happy ones.  We got along well and while we came from different backgrounds and had a lot of differences, we did our best to communicate openly and to understand one another.  We also both enjoyed partying and had fun going to concerts and movies together.

Brent worked in the shipping/receiving department at Mervyn’s Department Store when we met. He was a conscientious person, with a strong work ethic. While he had just a high school education, he always sought to improve himself in one way or another. Within a couple of months after having moved in with me, he bought a new car, a little white Toyota Tercel. He was very proud of that car, and he took very good care of it. In July, we drove it across country to Michigan to visit his family. It was a fun trip, and my second road trip east. Unfortunately, I don’t remember many details about the trip there or the trip back. It’s all one big blur. However, I do remember our arrival. When we got to western Michigan, it was very late at night, and I was asleep. Brent decided to surprise me and he parked the car in a wooded area near Lake Michigan, outside of Muskegon. When I woke up I couldn’t believe my eyes. The scenery was beautiful, with gorgeous tall trees everywhere. And Lake Michigan! My god, it looked huge. It was like being near the ocean and quite a sight to see. I’ll never forget it.

When we got to Twin Lake, a small township north of Muskegon where Brent’s family lived, everyone was happy to see Brent again, and they were very nice to me and immediately treated me like family. We stayed with Brent’s parents, but at night, we slept in a small trailer away from the house. Brent’s dad was a bit weirded out about our relationship, but he came around in time. We hung out with his family for about a week, and while we were there, Brent took me to meet his uncles. One of them had a friend who lived on Duck Lake, which was just north of where we were staying. We went on a nice long boat ride while there. We also went out into the country and visited an old cemetery with graves from the 1800s. As I noted, Brent’s family was very nice, and while I found them to be a bit on the conservative side, they accepted our relationship and seemed happy that Brent had found a partner. Brent’s mom and his sister Teresa were especially kind to us.

About a month after our trip, Brent brought home two kittens one day that a  friend of his from work had given to him. They were very small, and irresistibly cute. We named them Cleopatra and Frederick, but called them Cleo and Freddie. They were so adorable. It was fun watching them play together. They got along well and  we kept them until we moved to Nogales in early 1987. It was nice having pets, and these particular cats shed very little cat hair, which was a relief. 

By September, Brent was presented with the opportunity to become a manager in the shipping and receiving department at Mervyn’s. The only catch was, he would have to move up to the Phoenix area to take the job. He decided to go for it, and before we knew it, he had moved out of our house and was living in an apartment up in Chandler. We visited each other regularly, but it was a difficult period for us. Being apart was a drag, to say the least, but we managed. We were both quite busy and that helped the time go by. By the following Spring, Brent realized that he wasn’t doing so well in his new job, and he came back home and landed another job working as a tile setter.

Work

I continued to work at Fry’s part time, about 25 hours a week, but I became increasingly unhappy with my job. I loved my co-workers, but the management staff were another story altogether. Some of them were nice, but there were others who were big jerks. After having worked for the company for nine years, I just couldn’t wait to leave. The job sure did pay well, however, and that’s why I stuck it out. I enjoyed having spending money. I’m not sure when I decided to become a union steward, but in the summer I attended an all day union stewards seminar. I worked hard to recruit new members to the union, something the management of the store wasn’t too thrilled about.

My education

I think I’ve always wanted to be a librarian. Ever since grade school, I would love to go to the library. I loved to read, plain and simple. My sister Becky would sometimes take me with her to the public library when I was a kid, and there also used to be a bookmobile that would park on the corner of 22nd and Cherrybell once a month on Tuesdays, and I would walk to it or get a ride to visit it whenever I could. In junior high, I would have joined the library club, but that was not something “boys” were supposed to do, so I bowed to the peer pressure and didn’t bother. In high school, however, I volunteered in the library at lunchtime and after school, and became friends with the librarians who worked there. One of them, Ms. Koster, bought me a brand new copy of the Joan Baez songbook as a thank you gift for having volunteered and another, Jeannette Bahr, helped me get a job at the UA library my freshman year. My English/newspaper teacher, Jane Cruz, had also enrolled in library school around 1975, and I was intrigued by her stories about someone named Dr. Trejo and the program she was in, the Graduate Library Institute for Spanish Speaking Americans.

I had received my BA in 1982, and for a couple of years, while I still took courses here and there , I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. I tried the graduate program in sociology , but as I’ve previously noted, things didn’t work out. I finally decided that I would try something else, and enrolled in Library School late 1984. I got accepted, and started the program in mid-January, 1985, determined this time around to complete the program and graduate, and to find a job as a librarian either in a public library or an academic library as quickly as possible. By the time I entered the program, Dr. Trejo had retired and the GLISSA Program had folded. I was one of just a handful of minorities in the School when I began my studies.

So there I was, getting ready to pick my first few courses in my new program. I have to admit, I didn’t know what to expect as far as what was offered was concerned. I knew that librarians built collections and helped people with their questions, but I didn’t know much else about what librarians actually did or what they had to know to do their jobs. It was a good thing that the school provided some guidance on course choices. There were required courses and elective courses. I decided to tackle the required ones first, so for the first semester, my classes were: Foundations of Library Science, Collection Development, and Basic Reference. The foundations class was supposed to cover the history of libraries and key issues and topics within the profession, such as ethics and community analysis. The basic reference course covered the tools one uses to answer factual questions, as well as tools that help people find more in-depth information. The collection development course covered things like the publishing industry, censorship, how books are reviewed, collection development policies and other topics. I found all three of these classes to be very interesting. There were exams throughout the semester. The ones for basic reference were held in the Central Reference department in the UA Main Library. The professor for the class was Dr. Donald Dickinson. He became my favorite teacher, and I took several courses from him while in Library School. I didn’t keep any documentation for the basic reference class,  but I did keep all of my assignments from my other two classes. They were both taught by a woman named Gladys Stalschmidt, a recently hired professor. Unfortunately, she  had difficulty maintaining control in her classes. There were two women, in particular, who talked incessantly in our Foundations class, wasting everyone’s time with their long, boring stories. They drove everyone crazy. Many students complained about Professor Stalschmidt’s inability to control the class, and as a result, she didn’t last long at the school. I really liked her, however. It’s too bad some people had such big mouths. They ruined the class for a lot of people.

My assignments for both classes are available here:

• 1/24: Essay in collection development class on growing up with reading and books.
• 2/12/85: Assignment one in Collection Development class
• 3/4/85: Exam in Collection Development class/Stalschmidt
• 3/13: Assignment 2 in Collection Development class
• 3/14: Exam in Foundations class
• 04/01/85: Collection Development class, assignment 3
• 04/16/85: Foundations class assignment 2
• 04/29/85: LS 503 Collection Development selection project
• 05/08/85: Foundations class assignment 3

I ended up getting all A’s this particular semester. I was off to a great start.

In early May, the Mexican American Studies department held a convocation for Mexican American students. The guest speaker was the legendary activist, Jose Angel Gutierrez. In the late Sixties, he founded “La Raza Unida”, a political party in south Texas that had quite an impact in communities along the Rio Grande. The party spread to other regions of the Southwest, including the Tucson area. Gutierrez also authored several books, and was a revered leader in the Chicano movement.

When summer rolled around, I decided to do volunteer work at the Valencia branch of the Tucson Public Library. It was an interesting experience, but I didn’t put in as many hours as I would have liked. I also tried to get involved with the Tucson Lesbian and Gay Pride committee, but I dropped out after just a couple of meetings. The summer went by quickly. I received great news by summer’s end, and that was that I was being given a lot of financial aid. I was quite excited and humbled at the same time. I was, for a change, getting recognition for doing well in my studies.

In August, I enrolled in several classes, including Introduction to Information Science, Research Methods, the History of the US , Library Management and  Cataloging. By October, however, I reduced my course load by dropping the research methods class and the history class. With Brent gone, I felt depressed, and I didn’t do as well in school as I could have. I even missed an important AZLA meeting, where I was supposed to receive the Alice B Goode Scholarship. Believe it or not, I really enjoyed taking cataloging. The professor, Margaret Maxwell, was a real pro, and she knew her stuff, and taught it well. My management class was taught by a lady named Helen Gothberg. She was very nice, and I did well in the class. My other class, Intoduction to Information Science, was essentially all about computers, which were just starting to catch on in the wider world. It was at this time that pc’s and word processors were starting to become more affordable. While I didn’t care for the class, I did learn the fundamentals of using databases, spreadsheets and word processing software.

Here are some of my management class papers from the Fall semester:

• 09/26/85: Planning paper in Management class
• 10/15/85: Library Management budget exercise
• 11/14/85: Management class performance project

I ended the semester getting A’s in cataloging and management, and a B in Info. Science. One year down, one year to go!

Radio

When the year started, I was still hosting the Friday morning music mix and I was running the board for my friend and landlord, Ted Warmbrand, who hosted a program on Saturdays titled “Music from the Living Loom.” Ted was a challenge to work with at times, but he has always been a good hearted soul, so I didn’t mind helping him out. I loved doing my morning mix show, as I could play both Latin music and music in English, spanning a wide array of genres. There were guidelines in place, of course, as to what we should emphasize (lots of contemporary jazz. I called it elevator music), but we were also given a lot of freedom to play lots of different types of music. I particularly enjoyed adding leftist leaning, political music to my mixes, and found that overall, people really liked what I had to offer. I even got to produce a couple of special tribute shows, one on Aretha Franklin and another on Billie Holiday. I also came out on the air around this time. I vividly recall playing a song called “Glad to be Gay” and saying during the introduction, “I dedicate this to all of my brothers and sisters”. As luck would have it, one of my own siblings was listening at the time too! If he didn’t know I was gay before, he knew at that moment, that’s for sure!

Unfortunately, over time, the management of the station started to crack down on those of us who were stretching the boundaries of what was considered “acceptable” for daytime programming. One day sometime in March, I decided to play a tune titled, “Shoot First”, by Judy Collins. It’s an anti-gun song. After the show, I was called into the program manager’s office, and he let me know that he did not approve of my musical choices that day. I had also been getting harassed by Roger, another station manager, for bringing in my own music. That was enough for me. I decided right then and there to hang up my headphones, and I quit, which in hindsight was a bad move, but I was stubborn and didn’t like the idea of not having creative license to play what I thought I should be able to play. I had other things going on anyway, such as work and school. I have kept several cassette tapes of my shows from this time period. At some point, I’ll have them transferred and included in my Chicano Connection archive. Here are some of my playlists from the time:

• 01/11/85: Playlist for morning music mix.
• 01/19/85: Playlist for radio show covering for Kidd Squidd
• 02/08/85: Morning music mix playlist
• 3/1/85: Morning music mix playlist
• 07/04/85: The Chicano Connnection Revisited playlist

My time away from the station didn’t last too long. One night at a street party, I ran into the station manager, Paul, and he asked me to come back to host one of the Thursday night Latin slots,  from 11pm to 1am. While the hours weren’t great,  I was happy to be able to go back, so on June 11, 1985, I started back up again at KXCI and called my new show “The Chicano Connection Revisited”. I would continue doing this show until the end of 1986, when I graduated from Library School.

Friends and family

I spent most of my free time with Brent during the first eight months of the year, so I didn’t get to see my old friends too often. I really missed them, but being with Brent, working, doing the radio show and going to school took up all of my time.

Sometime in the middle of the year, my good friends Ron and Jane moved with their two children to Washington DC, where Ron had landed an important position with the Catholic Church. I attended their going away party. It would be years before I would see them again. I regret that I had drifted away from them after high school, but I was young and immature, and distracted by lots of other things along the way. I’m just glad I didn’t lose complete touch with them. I would always try to see them when they visited Tucson, but those times seemed few and far between. In recent years, however,I’ve visited them in Washington a couple of times and they’ve also come to Tucson to visit. Today, I feel just as close to them as I did while in high school. As I think back on it, they were always there for me. I just didn’t realize it.

In July, my dad’s eldest brother Raul, died. He was the only one of my grandparent’s children to have been born in Mexico. He and his family lived in Superior since the 30s. His wife Prudence had died the year before. I wrote a blog post about him a while back: https://bobdiaz.net/2020/02/19/happy-birthday-tio-raul.

My buddy Richard and I stayed in touch throughout our lives, but our friendship wasn’t the same in the mid-80s. He had become very involved in sports and was on a softball team, and unlike me, he was just crazy about the Grateful Dead and was always going to their concerts. We clashed more often than not. We never stopped being friends, however, and we found time every now and then to hang out together.

My two buddies Scott and Tim each got married in 1985. Scott, the guy I had a giant crush on and for whom I wrote the song, “My Kind”, married a young woman named Penny Aldridge, who he had been dating for a year or so. I missed his wedding because I was traveling home from my Michigan trip with Brent, but I did get to participate in Tim’s wedding as a member of his wedding party. He married a woman named Chris Fox, a fellow UA student. The festivities were held in Trail Dust Town, and we all had a blast.

Scott and Tim both became police officers with the Tucson Police Department after college. What an amazing coincidence! I never dreamed Tim would become a cop. He just didn’t seem like the type. He was such a freak, with all that long hair, his guitar playing and his love for partying. He even moved on from the police department and went to work for the FBI, which was even more shocking. While I knew that Scott liked hunting and shooting guns, it came as a huge surprise to learn that he too had joined the police force. I lost touch with both of them long ago, but I think of them often. They were good guys. I miss them both, but so many years have gone by, I wonder how we’d get along now.

Another death in the family occurred in late December. My cousin Charlie Mendoza died from burn wounds he received from a car accident that took place near 22nd and Country Club on December 27. His brother Richard, who was driving the car Charlie was in, survived. Charlie was only 19. It was a terrible tragedy.

I didn’t spend much time with my friend Dennis in 1985. Unfortunately, he got sick, and by January of 1986, had passed away. He was a great friend, and we had a lot of fun together. His death was heartbreaking. He was the second of my friends who died of AIDS. The other was Leonard Brown. I had met both of them through John, my ex, back in 1979. They were real characters, and I think of them often.

My mom and dad were doing well at this time in their lives, although my mom still struggled with her aches and pains. My dad retired from the mines, and he and mom spent most of their time taking care of their grandchildren and great grandchildren. By 1985, my niece Belisa had three kids, Michelle had one, and my brother Rudy also had two. Fred’s daughter Edessa also spent a lot of time with my parents. Our family would continue to grow as the years went by. Becky and I were the only two who didn’t have children, but there were already plenty of grandkids to keep my parents busy.

Other stuff:

We were in the midst of the Reagan era. He had just won re-election at the end of 1984, so we were in for another four years of terrible fun.  His administration was corrupt to the core and there were indictments and resignations taking place throughout the year. Reagan also continued to ignore the AIDS crisis, which hit Tucson pretty hard in 1985. He was also secretly funding the Contras, and a big scandal broke out that would continue for another two years.

On the bright side, there were lots of concerts that took place in Tucson that Brent and I both attended, and there were some great movies that came out as well, along with a number of great albums by some of my favorite artists. The following visual chronology includes many of these as well as other memorable events, places and topics.

A photographic/graphic chronology of events and activities for the year:

Here is a playlist from July 4, 1985.

For more information about my tio Raul and his family check out the blog entry I wrote for my tio on his birthday in 2020.

A great song….

Here’s one of my favorite Dylan tunes from the above anthology. It was recorded live at the Royal Albert Hall .