As I look back at 1993, I have come to realize that my job was just a part of my life, not my entire life. I’ve delayed writing about this period because I’ve been avoiding writing about the years when I served as Carla Stoffle’s assistant at the University of Arizona Library. In many ways, I felt inadequate, humiliated and burned as the Assistant to the Dean for Staff Development, Recruitment and Diversity. By the time I stepped down from the job eight years later, I was totally fried. I don’t want to just focus on the bad stuff, however, and I don’t have to, so I’m going to mostly write about all the other stuff that happened in my life. I have many fond memories.
1993 was a year that changed my life for the better overall. However, I had just been hired at the University of Arizona Library in June the previous year and was beginning to realize how intense my job was. It was very demanding, and at times I struggled to keep up with the pace. We were in the midst of a major organizational overhaul, and there was a constant demand for staff development and on-the-job training. I worked with a variety of people–national consultants, local consultants and other staff– to coordinate and deliver these efforts. We were in unknown territory, working to completely change the structure and culture of the library while consolidating units, changing work priorities and trying to convince people that diversity and working in teams were good ideas. There was a lot of resistance among the staff to these changes, but we charged forward.
I lived alone at the beginning of the year and turned 34 on January 15, but didn’t do anything but watch movies at home. My car was giving me problems, so I was stuck. The photo below is what my car, a 1980 Toyota Corolla, likely looked like back in 1980, when it was brand new. After having survived 12 Michigan winters, it was not nearly as pretty as it once was, but it was what I had at the time. I spent a lot of money on repairs, but by the following year, I’d have a new vehicle.
Here are some of my birthday cards from that 1993.
Nevertheless, here’s one of the songs of Charlie’s that I really like:
I have had lots of trouble with the issue of political correctness over time. I think my leftist friends can get quite dogmatic and they easily put people down who aren’t “enlightened” like they are. I disagree with a lot of what they espouse, especially when it comes to one’s chosen use of language/ terminology and attitudes about various issues like what foods one should or should not eat. There are certain words like queer and latinx, for example, that I’ll likely never use in my own day-to-day speech because I don’t like those terms, but they’re politically correct, so to speak. I also refuse to add pronouns to my signature. If you can’t tell I’m a dude, something is wrong! Seriously, if you want to know, just ask. But don’t make me feel obliged to include it as part of my signature. Oh well. I know who I am–a gay Chicano socialist, or as Archie Bunker might say a “commie, pinko, fairy” through and through. That won’t ever change.
Even though I had an uneventful birthday, a week or so later I got to go to Denver to attend the 1993 ALA Midwinter conference. I’d never been there before.
I was in Denver for just a few days, so I made the most of it and had a very nice time, but I was also there to work. In 1992, I had been elected national secretary of REFORMA, The National Association for the Promotion of Library Services to the Spanish Speaking, so I was obligated to attend and take minutes at all of the REFORMA meetings held at Midwinter ’93. Here are the minutes from two of the meetings I attended:
We were in Denver at a time when there was a lot of conflict in Colorado over Amendment 2, a ballot initiative passed by Colorado voters in 1992 that prohibited the state from enacting antidiscrimination protections for gays, lesbians, and bisexuals, but that had been blocked by the courts. I and other colleagues from the UA Library, including our Assistant Dean Shelley Phipps, attended a protest rally at the Capitol in support of the gay population of Colorado. I did my best to keep up with what was happening.
The following article provides more detail about the controversial conference location and many of the activities that took place at the conference.
The highlight of the trip for me was seeing the exhibit titled “Aztec” at the Denver Museum of Natural History. I was blown away by the incredible sculptures and artifacts that were on display. The exhibit was gorgeous. I remember I hitched a ride with one of my colleagues, Janet Fore, but the car was crowded and Janet wasn’t very happy, so I had to find my own way back to my hotel.
I also got to eat at a few really good restaurants and explore the various record stores and bookstores in the downtown area, as well as the 16th Street Mall.
I also went out a few times to the gay bars and nightclubs. I remember one in particular. It was called “Charlie’s” and it was a very crowded country western bar. There were other gay bars around too, just to the east of the Capitol building on Colfax.
I really enjoyed the conference, but I had a lot of work to do at the Library when I got back. We were training our staff how to become teams, and we worked with a consultant named Maureen Sullivan. It was my job to communicate our plan to the staff. This work kept me quite busy. Having fun was a luxury, but I did manage to go to a few concerts like the one noted below.
I recently found the following announcement in a 1993 Library newsletter.
On the last day of February, I met someone. His name was Ruben. We hit it off and we fell in love. His mom grew up in the thirties in Superior, Arizona, next door to my dad’s family. She used to play with my aunts Carmen and Helen, and my dad knew her brother, Maclovio Barraza, a union organizer who had recruited my dad to join the union at the mine. Ruben and I had also gone to the same high school and worked at the same grocery store, but at different points in time so our paths never crossed before. It was uncanny. We became inseparable and by May, we decided to live together. It’s now been over 30 years!
In early April, at Easter time, I rented a car and Ruben and I drove with his friend Enrique Gomez and another guy named Roberto, who Enrique was dating, to Rocky Point. We had to take the long way, through the back roads in Sonora to get there, because Roberto was from the other side and could not cross into the US. It was a rough road, and the rental car I drove took a beating. This was not a great trip. We had some misunderstandings with Enrique, and things got tense. I realized on this particular trip that I didn’t like Enrique at all, and was never able to get over it. Ruben and I ended up finding our own hotel room in Rocky Point. The only thing that I liked about the trip was the food. We ate grilled fish and later found a little taco stand outside the hotel that sold the most delicious tacos. There’s nothing like tacos and beer to satisfy one’s hunger!
At the same time as the March on Washington, Tucson was hosting its 11th annual Tucson International Mariachi Conference. This year’s featured performers were Mariachi Vargas de Tecalitlan, Mariachi Cobre, Mariachi Los Camperos de Nati Cano, Angeles Ochoa and Linda Ronstadt. I made sure not to miss this event!
Sometime in late Spring, Ruben’s niece Marissa, Jerry’s daughter, had her first holy communion at St. Ambrose Church. She was only five or six at the time, and was the cutest little girl. She lived with Ruben and her grandparents. Ruben bought her a beautiful dress for the occasion. We all gathered at his parent’s house afterwards. This was the first time I had been around his extended family. Here are some photos of the occasion.
By early May, Ruben and I were living together in a two-bedroom apartment on N. Shannon Rd, on the far west side of town, just down the road from Pima Community College West. The apartment complex was called Desert Hills Apartments and had been built sometime in the Sixties. He had convinced me to move there because the rent was a lot cheaper and it was close to his parent’s house. The complex consisted of several long buildings like the one shown below. We spent a lot of time at Ruben’s parents house, and they were very nice to me. Before I knew it, I was part of the family. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same about my own family. They weren’t very nice at all.
The photos that follow were taken around his birthday on June 7. Our friends Roberto and Enrique Navarro joined us during the day, and later we drove to Albuquerque and stayed for a day or two. It was a fun trip. Some of the photos were taken on our drive back through central Arizona.
As soon as I got back to work, I had out of town guests to take care of and host. They were visiting the library from the University of Michigan. Barbara MacAdam was head of the Undergraduate Library there and Karen Downing was a librarian and member of her library staff. Lester Refigee was a student assistant who worked at the reference desk and was part of the Peer Information Counseling program. Carla Stoffle asked me to arrange for them to visit the UA Library to talk about undergraduate services and peer information counseling. They stayed at the Arizona Inn. Over the weekend, I took them on a tour of southern Arizona. We visited San Xavier, Patagonia, Tumacacori, Nogales and the Saguaro National Monument. It was a fun, but exhausting day, and they really enjoyed themselves. I did too. Barbara is now retired, and Karen still works at Michigan. Lester went on to get a medical degree and is now a physician in the Chicago area.
At the end of June I was traveling again, this time to New Orleans to attend the American Library Association’s annual conference. Man, it sure was hot there, and very, very humid. I cannot stand this kind of weather, but I wasn’t about to stay indoors. New Orleans is a hopping place, and I made sure to visit the sites and eat a lot of good food in the French Quarter. While at the conference, I attended REFORMA meetings and took minutes, but also found time to have dinner with friends, party at the gay bars and visit various bookstores and record stores, of which there was an abundance.
In early July, the Diaz clan held its first family reunion in Tucson. My dad and all of his living brothers and sisters showed up with their children and grandchildren. His brothers Raul and Val had already passed, but their children and families and the rest of the brothers and sisters and their families came from all over to partake in the festivities, which were held at St. Demetrius’s social hall and at Reid Park. We held another family reunion in 2007, and there’s currently talk of another being planned.
I had spent the first half of the year at work coordinating workshops, participating in training and learning how to juggle many responsibilities at the same time. In August, after new team leaders were hired or appointed, we were finally ready to get the staff together to begin designing the work of their individual teams. We held all staff workshops, led by our ARL consultant Maureen Sullivan, at the Student Union in mid-August. The photos that follow give a snapshot of the work we did.
In October, I attended a workshop on management skills in Chicago. It was another program sponsored by the Association of Research Library Office of Management Services. I had attended one the year before in Raleigh, NC called “The Training Skills Institute”. Once I was done with the workshop, Ruben flew in from Tucson and we stayed and enjoyed a nice vacation in the city. It was lots of fun. I had been to Chicago before, but this was Ruben’s first visit. We went to the Art Institute, the Natural History Museum, the Al Capone Museum, and the Chicago Historical Society, and saw some great exhibits. We also went to the top of the Hancock building, and ate tons of great food.
I spent a lot of time in my job establishing ties with various Latino groups, including the services to the Spanish-speaking staff of the public library and Latino faculty on campus who were members of the Arizona Association of Chicanos in Higher Education, of which I became secretary for a year. I also met with Latino students enrolled in the library science graduate program. They helped me coordinate the reception for the Trejo Institute in July, and I later hosted them for dinner one evening at my home. On November 12, several of us took a field trip to Nogales, Mexico, where we visited with staff from El Colegio De Sonora and had lunch. It was a great group of students. One of them is now a library science professor at San Jose State. Others have already retired or are continuing their work as librarians in communities across the country.
Right before Christmas, Ruben and I were invited to Nogales by his friend Enrique Gomez, the same Enrique that we went to Rocky Point with back in April. We stayed in a hotel about seven blocks from the border, and hung out with Enrique and his friends at his house. We were supposed to go out to the bars with them, but decided to stay at our hotel. Enrique and I did not like each other, and I think we sensed that things weren’t going to go too well if we went along. Ruben, who doesn’t speak Spanish, was also badly treated by one of Enrique’s friends. We ended up eating campechanas at a small seafood stand across the street from our hotel, and shopping in the tourist area. I always enjoyed doing that.
A summary of the bulk of my 1993 staff development, training and diversity-related work activities (mostly June, 1993 to the end of December 1993) is included in the report linked below. I wrote this in January 1994. It gives one an idea of how busy I was in 1993. And the fun was just beginning….
I was still in Tucson enjoying my holiday vacation, visiting with family and friends when the new year began. Before I left to go back to Michigan, I contacted Carla Stoffle to say hello. She was the former Assistant Dean at the University of Michigan Libraries and she played an instrumental role in hiring me there in 1987. She was very committed to promoting diversity and did all she could to hire librarians of color and to combat racism in the workplace. In 1991, she became the Dean of Libraries at the University of Arizona. When I contacted her to say hello, she invited me to one of her holiday gatherings at her home, where I met some of the Library’s department heads and library administrators. I brought my friend Richard Elias with me and we both had a blast drinking beer and other assorted alcoholic beverages, eating a bunch of food and meeting new people.
Carla encouraged me to apply for a position as a reference librarian that had just opened up. The area of specialization was psychology, and this just happened to be a subject I knew well because of my background (I have a bachelor of arts degree in psychology) and experience at Michigan conducting countless instruction sessions for students taking courses on this topic. I was very excited about the prospect of being able to finally come back home after being away for over five years, and was filled with hope and anticipation.
I returned to Ann Arbor the first week of January, and jumped right back in to doing my job, providing reference service, teaching basic library skills to students in Psychology, English and other areas, and supervising and training reference assistants. I also continued serving on the Library Diversity Council. MLK Day was right around the corner, and this particular year we were bringing the author Alex Haley to campus. It was an exciting time.
It was also around this time that I hit a high note with my teaching, and received a resounding round of applause after an instruction session I conducted for students in an upper division political science class. I was ecstatic, as something like that had never happened before. All those hours I spent in the classroom teaching while at Michigan had finally paid off, and this was proof that I was getting pretty good at it.
Toward the end of January, I attended the ALA Midwinter conference in San Antonio. I had never been there before, and there was a lot to see and explore. I had fun shopping, and even bought a cowboy hat and cowboy boots. I had immersed myself in country music around this time, and enjoyed dressing up in Western wear. I also found some great record stores and antiques stores, as well as some interesting historic landmarks, such as the Old Spanish Governor’s mansion and a neighborhood called La Villita, which was home to many historic houses. I also got a taste of the gay scene and visited a few bars in the downtown area. The food in San Antonio was pretty good too. At one restaurant, called Mi Tierra, I purchased a t-shirt with Emiliano Zapata’s portrait on it, and underneath it, painted in bright red, were the words “Mi Tierra”. I thought it was the coolest thing, and I kept that t-shirt until it finally fell apart.
At some point, the Arizona job was advertised, and I put my resume and a cover letter together and sent them in. Once this was done and out of the way, it was just a matter of time. I waited and waited and waited.
I was not involved romantically with anyone at this time, and spent a lot of nights watching movies that I had rented from local video stores. These included a number of old Bette Davis and Joan Crawford movies, such as Jezebel, Mr. Skeffington, The Women, and Mildred Pierce. It was a lot of fun, inexpensive, and it kept me home at night! My car wasn’t very reliable at the time, so staying at home was really the best thing for me to do. Besides, I needed to start saving money for the move back home.
By March, I had been notified that I was a leading candidate for the reference position at Arizona. I was interviewed over the phone, and later invited out to Tucson for an interview. I didn’t know it at the time, but Carla had another position open, that of Staff Development librarian, and while I was in the middle of the interview for the reference position, she asked me to consider applying for that job also. I didn’t really feel ready to take on a job like this, as I felt I didn’t have the appropriate experience, but Carla was persistent and asked me to interview, so I did. She argued that I had done library programming and instruction, and that I had what she called “transferable skills”, and could easily pick up along the way whatever else I needed to learn. There would be more pay, and I would be part of the Library administration. I thought about it for a few days, and finally decided that I would give it a try and apply for the job, and lo and behold, the job of Staff development librarian was soon offered to me. I would report directly to the Dean of the Library, Carla Stoffle.
When I got back to Ann Arbor, I needed to wrap things up at work and also needed to figure out how to get back home. My record collection and book collection presented the biggest challenges. There was no way I was going to get rid of anything this time around, so I decided to ask my oldest brother Charles if he would be willing to fly to Michigan and help me drive a U-Haul back to Tucson. He agreed, thank goodness.
I stayed in my job in Ann Arbor until early May. The head of the Undergraduate Library, Barbara MacAdam, threw me a going away party the day before I left, and my good friend Barbara Hoppe, (now Kolekamp) took photos of the occasion. I felt bad about leaving my good friends LeAnne, Mike, Karen, Barb, Linda, Judy and Rhett behind, but nothing would get in the way of going back home.
In hindsight, I’m glad I took the risk of moving away from Tucson back in 1987, but my mom’s death the following year has always made me feel guilty about it at the same time. I realize that she still would have passed on if I were in Tucson, however. I have to remind myself all the time that her death wasn’t my fault. It was her time to go, and that was that. She was ill and had reached the end of her road.
If I set aside the guilt trip that won’t go away, I must admit that living in Nogales and then in Ann Arbor were indeed worthwhile experiences. Living right on the U.S. Mexican border was eye opening in many ways, and I enjoyed crossing the line whenever possible. There’s nothing like the birria they sell on Elias St in Nogales, Sonora! I also got to see a lot of the state of Michigan while I lived there, and I really enjoyed it. I also liked living in Ann Arbor. There was always something going on, and I took advantage of that and saw concerts, attended lectures and plays and art fairs, and bought scores of record albums and books. I also had fun going out dancing, listening to live music, and partying with my friends. My relationship with Brent fizzled out at the end of 1990, unfortunately, but we did a lot of fun stuff together while we were a couple.
By the end of the first week of May, Charles and I were on the road heading back to Tucson. Unfortunately, he had to drive the whole way, because my eyesight is bad, and I just couldn’t handle driving such a big truck. It would have been a dangerous proposition! We had a good trip, nevertheless, and made it back home within a few days. I was so happy to finally be back home!
Finding a place to live was at the top of my to-do list when I arrived. At first I thought I would find an apartment on the south side of town, close to my brother Carlos and sister Irene. However, I quickly began to have second thoughts about it. I wanted to feel safe, and as a gay man, I knew I would not be so safe on the south side of town. That’s just the way I felt about it, and while some folks may not understand, I just knew there would be problems. I searched elsewhere, and quickly found an apartment near Ft. Lowell and Country Club. It was a two-bedroom townhouse and the rent was just a little more than what I was paying in Ann Arbor. My family helped me move in, and I was pretty well settled by the time I started my new job on June 1.
I was hired as an assistant librarian, even though I had been promoted to associate librarian while at Michigan. This meant that I would have about five years to “prove myself” in three areas: my primary job, scholarship and service, and either be awarded continuing status (similar to tenure) or released from my job for not “cutting it”. I was told that even though I had been promoted at Michigan, I hadn’t published enough, although I had submitted a book chapter manuscript that was slated for publication in 1993 and had co-written another book chapter with my colleague Karen Downing that was also published in 1993.
During the first few weeks of my new job, I learned that in addition to having responsibilities in the area of staff development, I would also be responsible for professional recruitment and the promotion of diversity within the organization, and that my job title would be “Assistant to the Dean for Staff Development, Recruitment and Diversity”. I would also be a member of the Library administration and would attend meetings of the Administrative Group, Library Cabinet, Planning Council and Library Council, all leadership groups within the organization. I would also work with the Library Diversity Council and the Diversity Training Committee and would allocate staff development funds in consultation with the Staff Development Committee.
I also learned that Carla was very, very busy, and had little time to devote to helping me learn the ins and outs of the job. I spent more time learning from Shelley Phipps, one of the assistant deans. She and Carla were spearheading an “organizational review” of the Library, something I had no knowledge of until I got there. This was a huge deal, and it meant that I would have to hit the ground running in my new job.
I spent the next six months on the fast track, attending countless meetings and learning about how the UA Library operated from the top down. I also started organizing workshops and events for the staff. There was a whirlwind of activity around the library restructuring project, as it was soon called. Plans were in the works to completely change how everything in the Library was organized and managed. The restructuring had to take place, we were told, because the University had been cutting the Library budget for several years in a row, and something had to give. Increased costs for magazines and journals and the implementation of a new integrated library system also contributed to the idea that the Library needed to make some deep structural changes. The goal of the restructuring was to save money while continuing to provide critical user services and access to information. It called for the number of departments to be reduced from 15 to 9, in addition to calling for a change in how work was done and decisions were made. The library would become a “team-based” organization, with shared decision-making as one of its central tenets and improved work processes. This was a multi-year endeavor. My role was to help people get on the bandwagon to learn to work in teams and to make shared decisions, among many other things.
Unfortunately, nothing I did seemed adequate or good enough. From the beginning, in all honesty, I didn’t feel much support from Carla or others in the administration, and was soon blamed for many things that went wrong that were simply beyond my control. I was very surprised that there was so much “politics” at play, particularly around the issues of diversity and recruitment. The Library had two diversity committees, and the leaders of these both competed with one another for resources and attention. I got stuck in the middle of all of this and had to figure out where I fit in. It was difficult. Carla also had me doing things that should have been taken on by others. For example, she asked me to coordinate the development of a proposal for the creation of Mexican American Borderlands archive in Special Collections. I spent countless hours meeting with various Latino leaders in the community, gathering information and gauging their interest in such an idea. Meanwhile, the staff in Special Collections were livid that they were not asked to do this work. Eventually, they did get involved, but they were not happy that I got the ball rolling. As far as recruitment of minorities went, some of the department heads pretended they supported minority recruitment and affirmative action, but in reality, they did not. I worked hard to recruit minority candidates to apply for our jobs, but they wouldn’t in many cases even be granted an interview.
In hindsight I realize that the Library needed a seasoned professional to coordinate the training and development necessary for the move from a top down organization to a team-based organization. It needed someone who had experience in administration and leadership, with expertise in human resources issues, organizational design and change. Actually, nobody on the staff had this kind of experience. We were all winging it. I could be wrong, but as far as I know, our ARL consultant had never led this type of process anywhere else. She, the Dean and the Assistant Dean were all learning as they went along, as were the members of the Operational Adjustment Team (OAT), who came up with the idea that we should have teams run the organization. The problem was that nobody on the staff had experience with team-based organizations. The members of OAT read some books and figured they could take a cookbook approach to the whole thing and tweak things as they went along. They ignored some basic tenets about teams that the professional literature espoused, and decided that instead of having small project teams, as the literature promoted, we were going to have large functional teams, with everyone having a “voice” in decisions and workflow processes. Boy, what a mistake that was, on so many levels. Unfortunately, we dove right in and went for it, and within a year upended the whole structure of the organization. It would take just a short while to realize that we had made some major mistakes. Within a year, at least four of the members of operational adjustment team had left the Library. I have to wonder why. Perhaps they didn’t want to be around to take the heat for what was to come. Who knows?
I traveled three more times between June and December, attending conferences and training events. I went to ALA Annual in San Francisco, to the first conference of the Black Caucus of the American Library Association in Columbus, and to a training skills workshop in Raleigh, North Carolina.
I’ve always enjoyed traveling, and I took the time to explore each city as much as I could. I got to see my Michigan friends in San Francisco, and even ran as a member of their team in the ALA Fun Run, rather than with the UA team. I was already missing Michigan. In Columbus, Ohio, where the BCALA conference was held, I spent time with my friend Karen Downing. We had a bit of a falling out before I left Ann Arbor in May, but by August, things were better between us and we spent a lot of time together at this conference. It was an historic event, and I’m very glad I was able to be there. The training event I went to in Raleigh was a good session, but I quickly learned that the format of the workshop relied heavily on the participants teaching each other, by sharing their own knowledge and experiences with one another. The workshop facilitators merely provided the structural framework for the workshop and filled in a few gaps. We were also given lots of reading material. This was an approach to training that I saw used again and again by certain consultants and trainers.
The first six months back home had other surprises in store for me as well. Things weren’t the same with the family. My dad had met a much younger woman from Mexico and they lived together at my dad’s house. I never felt comfortable going over to visit. It was different. My sister Becky lived there with my dad and Lupe too. Things sure had changed. I missed my mom.
Christmas was non-eventful. I don’t remember much about it. I looked forward to the new year and hoped that things would improve. So far, I wasn’t all that happy with the way things were turning out. I wasn’t an HR person. Prior to moving back to Arizona, I had been a public services librarian and had done reference and teaching, as well as some collection development work. I was not accomplished as a public speaker, nor had I the confidence to stand up to others and stand my ground. I felt beat up by the end of the year. And I was not taking care of myself. I was doing stupid things like partying a lot and going out at night. I was lonely. It wasn’t a good time for me. Another big change in my life had just occurred—moving back home to Tucson after having been away for over five years– and I had difficulty adjusting to it all. I felt really stuck. My dreams of serving my community, of turning people on to reading and learning and of social change seemed further and further from my grasp. It would take another year or more before I felt more grounded in my personal life and found things to do on the job that were more worthwhile. But at least I was back home.
A NOTE ABOUT THE GRAPHICS: IF YOU CLICK ON THE IMAGE, IT WILL ENLARGE IN A NEW WINDOW. THERE’S A LOT OF TEXT, AND DOING THIS WILL MAKE IT EASIER TO READ THE WRITING. CLICKING THE BACK ARROW KEY WILL TAKE YOU BACK TO THE POST.
Here’s one of my favorite songs from the album:
I wrote the following article about unity among Latinos on campus. It was my farewell message to Michigan.
I got a phone call from the UA Library on March 9 and was invited for an interview for the reference job at the University of Arizona Libraries as well as the staff development position.
In addition to talking about my experiences with collection development and bibliographic instruction, I gave a presentation on the diversity work I participated in doing while at the University of Michigan Library. This was for the staff development position, which was later offered to me and that I accepted. My start date would be June 1. Here is a link to the presentation that I gave.
Barbara MacAdam, the head of the Undergraduate Library, threw me a going away party at her home on Thursday, May 7, one day before my very last at Michigan. Most of my UGL friends were there, except LeAnne Martin and Mike Robbins, unfortunately. We had a great time. Everyone loved my brother Charles, especially the women. They thought he was quite handsome.
My very last day at work…
By the end of my first week of work in early June, I attended a meeting of the Arizona University Libraries Consortium, and was introduced there as Carla’s new assistant. The consortium membership included administrators and staff from all three Arizona universities. The purpose of these gatherings was to share information and explore areas where the three libraries could collaborate, such as working together to reduce costs by engaging in consortial arrangements with publishers and vendors.
In the Spring I threw my hat into the ring and ran for national secretary of REFORMA. I won the election and by ALA Annual was busy taking notes at all of the formal REFORMA meetings. Fun, fun, fun!
Here’s one of the songs from the album “El Quelite”.
I was looking forward to attending La Fiesta de San Agustin on August 30. Here’s a preview of the day’s events.
Earlier the same day, I had a big family gathering at my townhouse. We had a blast. Almost everyone in my immediate family showed up, with the exception of a few nieces and nephews. My dad, his wife Lupe, my cousin Yolanda and my niece’s boyfriend, Martin Green, have all since passed on. Time sure flies. I remember this like it was yesterday.
A few days later, I was traveling again, this time to Columbus, Ohio, for the first ever national conference of the Black Caucus of the American Library Association. The conference lasted from September 3 through September 6. It was a historic occasion. I spent a lot of time with Karen Downing, my friend from Michigan. The purpose of my attendance was to recruit African American librarians to Arizona. I had just successfully helped recruit one such librarian, and the Dean of the Library wanted me to let people know that Arizona welcomed librarians of color.
The conference got several write-ups in the national library press. Here are links to a couple such articles.
1986 was a year of ups and downs. It started off badly. My cousin Charlie Mendoza had just died in a tragic car accident in late December and my friend Dennis Krenek died on January 2. Charlie was only 19. He was my Aunt Helen’s son and was named after my brother Charles, who was in the Navy at the time he was born. He was a nice kid, very quiet and polite. My friend Dennis was only 33 when he succumbed to the AIDS virus. I had met him when I was with my first partner John back in 1978, and then later worked with him when I volunteered at the Southern Arizona Mental Health Center. He was an occupational therapist and a very good friend and mentor.
In addition, at the beginning of the year, I was halfway through library school, still working at Fry’s and doing my radio show, and still with Brent, even though he continued to live and work up in Chandler. I kept very busy and juggled a lot of responsibilities. I missed Brent, but I made new friends early in the year. Thaddeus and Sandahbeth Spae showed up in my life in early January, and they hung out with me for about a month or so. They were musicians and gypsies, shady characters to some people, I’m sure, but nice people to me. Sandahbeth hailed from Virginia, had a gorgeous voice and could sing just about anything, from swinging jazz to blues to country music. Thaddeus was a hyper-active, multi-talented instrumentalist from the Northwest. Together they made an odd, but happy couple, and they called themselves “Amber Tide”. One day, on my birthday, I invited them to my parents house to hang out with me and my family, as my mom had made food and bought me a birthday cake. They graciously performed a few numbers, and we all had a blast. My mother was especially thrilled when Sandahbeth sang the Hank Williams tune, “Your Cheatin’ Heart” just for her. I can’t remember how long they stayed at my house. It might have been a month or more. I had to get them to move on eventually. My friend and landlord Ted thought they had stolen his son’s stereo equipment, as it went missing one day. Who knows? It’s possible they did it. I didn’t think so, but I was so naïve at the time, the possibility that these two roving gypsies would do something like that never crossed my mind.
I got increasingly jaded working at Fry’s. I took my job for granted and didn’t realize how good it was. I felt tied to the money as I was acquiring debt in the mid-80s, and I needed the job to pay my bills and keep a roof over my head. The company knew I was about to reach my 10-year anniversary, and thus close to getting vested with the Union’s pension plan, so I believe they were looking to get me fired. I was also active as a union steward and was busy recruiting new members, which didn’t help my cause at all. In mid-May, the unimaginable happened. I got fired for ringing out my own order during a break. One of the assistant managers, who didn’t like me, caught me doing this and informed me that it was against company policy and that he would see to it that I was terminated for it. I was devastated, because I didn’t have any savings. I was unemployed for a month and a half, I believe, until I finally found a job at Sears in the auto parts department in early July. It was humiliating. I hated that job, but it kept me alive until the end of the year.
While Brent and I were still a couple, it was hard maintaining a long distance relationship. We did our best to keep it together, especially when his parents came to town in April for a visit. We both spent a lot of time coming and going from Chandler to Tucson and back. After a while, he started having trouble at work, and he eventually was let go, so he moved back home from Phoenix sometime in May, if I’m not mistaken, and for a while we relied on his income as a tile setting assistant. Things were tight, but we managed.
During the first semester of 1986, I took two classes and had an internship at the UA Main library. The internship consisted of doing data entry for a project a librarian named Maria Hoopes, who happened to be my friend Peter Segura’s aunt, supervised. She was very nice and supportive, and one of the only librarians of color on the staff. The internship also consisted of spending time at the reference desk, helping students and others find materials for their research, and answering basic reference questions. I learned a lot working at the reference desk, even though I didn’t feel the same level of support from some of the librarians with whom I worked while working there that I got from working with Maria.
My other classes were titled Reference Sources in the Humanities and An Introduction to Bibliography, in which I did quite well. For my class project, I compiled a comprehensive annotated bibliography on the works of Margaret Randall, a writer and poet who had lived in Mexico, Cuba and Nicaragua for many years, and who had recently returned to the U.S. She was currently under the threat of deportation because when she became a Mexican citizen, she gave up her American citizenship. The US government did not like her writings, either, which were all about life in socialist society. They thought her too dangerous and sought to keep her out of the country. I attended a reading she gave one night in late January at the U of A Social Sciences Auditorium, and decided that I wanted to find out more about her, so I took on the task of compiling all of her works and reviews about her works into one very long, annotated bibliography. I received an A on the project, and even got to correspond with Ms. Randall during the course of completing it. She was also able to use my bibliography in court as a record of her work. I was thrilled about that.
My classes in the Fall weren’t nearly as interesting as my Spring courses, but I got through them, and graduated in December with a 3.76 grade point average. My parents were ecstatic that I had completed yet another degree, and I was happy and relieved that I had finally finished the program. I was so lucky to have my parent’s support. They were always there for me. Even though I couldn’t handle living at home, I knew I could always pop over for a bite to eat, and my mom helped me with my laundry and ironing. She would always jokingly say to me, “mijito, I’m going to live another year, so I can see you graduate”. I wondered to myself, oh, oh, now what? She was ill at the time, and would only be with us just a short while longer, unfortunately.
Throughout the year, I continued to host the Chicano Connection Revisited on KXCI. I saved many of my playlists and have posted them all in the Chicano Connection Archive. I also have several cassette tapes of programs that I did this particular year, and will eventually get around to posting them in the archive too. Some of these shows include my buddy Richard Elias. He co-hosted several of them with me in the Fall. One of the highlights of the year was getting the opportunity to guest host for Ted Warmbrand’s show, “Music from the Living Loom”. Jamie Anderson, a local women’s music performer, and I collaborated on producing a gay pride Father’s Day show. Links to the show are included below. While the sound quality isn’t great, I’m glad I was able get this transferred from tape to digital format. I consider doing this show one of the highlights of my career in radio.
June 15, 1986: Music from the Living Loom, KXCI 91.7 FM, Tucson, “Gay Pride Show” featuring guest hosts Bob Diaz and Jamie Anderson.Part 1, Part 2.
KXCI sponsored lots of great concerts in 1986, many of which I attended, and my friend and landlord Ted Warmbrand also brought in several wonderful musical performers, so all in all I had a great time attending lots of concerts while continuing to build my ever growing home library of books and records. Some of the more memorable concerts I attended were the Bob Dylan/Tom Petty show up in Phoenix, Queen Ida and Her Zydeco Band at the El Casino Ballroom, and Stevie Wonder at McKale Memorial Center on the UA campus.
In December, I was able to find another temporary job, working as a cashier at the Food Conspiracy Co-Op. I liked this job much better than the one at Sears, but I kept them both until the end of the year. In mid-December, I started job hunting, and I found a job in Nogales as a public services and children’s librarian. I hadn’t really prepared myself to be a public librarian and was hoping to become an academic librarian, but this job was available and I needed one fast. I was hired before the year ended, so Brent and I packed everything up and were ready to move to Nogales by the beginning of January. A new chapter in our lives was about to begin.
Here are some of my exams, papers and projects I completed during the Spring, 1986 school semester:
Here is a letter I received from Margaret Randall after I sent her my completed bibliography project. Receiving this was the thrill of a lifetime. After all these years, she still remembers me too, as I was recently in touch with her on Facebook. She’s since written much more and continues her writing to this day.
During the Fall semester, my last one as a student, I continued to host the Chicano Connection on KXCI. It was around this time that I got my good friend Richard to join me as co-host. We hosted several shows together, including the one noted below. One time we had our friends Mike and Denise join us, and they danced in the studio as we played Dylan’s Romance in Durango. Another time, Richard and I read the little “Know Your Rights” pamphlet on the air. We thought it was really cool to provide that kind of public service. We were both likely pretty lit most of the time, but had a blast and managed to get through each show without messing up too badly. Hanging out with Richard at this point in my life helped me get through the last couple of months of graduate school and working at Sears. By December, I had finished and moved on to other things. I sure miss those days when Richard and I had fun together on the radio. I have a recording or two of us on the air. I’m going to transfer them from tape to digital audio one of these days…
Here are some of my papers and exams from the Fall semester:
By the time I turned 26, most of my life since adolescence had been consumed with looking for that one person that I could be in love with and who would love me in return. There were lots of guys along the way who I fell for, but all of them, with the exception of one, were out of reach. That one person who I did connect with stayed with me for 8 months from the summer of 1979 to early 1980, and I was quite happy for the bulk of that time. I loved having a companion. I felt complete, and I had a real friend. When we broke up, I was devastated, but I was young and resilient, and I survived. Work and school kept me busy, and I had lots of friends to spend time with. I have to admit, however, that those years when I was single again, between the summer of 1980 and winter of 1984, were rough. I hated being alone, I hated the bar scene, I partied too much, and I hated myself for trying to pretend I was straight when I dated women. Then one day in the middle of December, 1984, Brent Bates showed up in my life, and we fell in love. He was nine months older than me and was from Muskegon, Michigan. I spent the next six years of my life with him. Little did we know when we met, where our relationship would take us.
Brent moved in within a month after we had met, so he must have been settled in with me by the end of January. The house on Manlove St. that I had moved into the previous summer was nice and roomy, and there was plenty of space for two people. Once again, I felt that I had what I wanted—to be in a relationship with someone I loved. The first 8 months of our time together were exceptionally happy ones. We got along well and while we came from different backgrounds and had a lot of differences, we did our best to communicate openly and to understand one another. We also both enjoyed partying and had fun going to concerts and movies together.
Brent worked in the shipping/receiving department at Mervyn’s Department Store when we met. He was a conscientious person, with a strong work ethic. While he had just a high school education, he always sought to improve himself in one way or another. Within a couple of months after having moved in with me, he bought a new car, a little white Toyota Tercel. He was very proud of that car, and he took very good care of it. In July, we drove it across country to Michigan to visit his family. It was a fun trip, and my second road trip east. Unfortunately, I don’t remember many details about the trip there or the trip back. It’s all one big blur. However, I do remember our arrival. When we got to western Michigan, it was very late at night, and I was asleep. Brent decided to surprise me and he parked the car in a wooded area near Lake Michigan, outside of Muskegon. When I woke up I couldn’t believe my eyes. The scenery was beautiful, with gorgeous tall trees everywhere. And Lake Michigan! My god, it looked huge. It was like being near the ocean and quite a sight to see. I’ll never forget it.
When we got to Twin Lake, a small township north of Muskegon where Brent’s family lived, everyone was happy to see Brent again, and they were very nice to me and immediately treated me like family. We stayed with Brent’s parents, but at night, we slept in a small trailer away from the house. Brent’s dad was a bit weirded out about our relationship, but he came around in time. We hung out with his family for about a week, and while we were there, Brent took me to meet his uncles. One of them had a friend who lived on Duck Lake, which was just north of where we were staying. We went on a nice long boat ride while there. We also went out into the country and visited an old cemetery with graves from the 1800s. As I noted, Brent’s family was very nice, and while I found them to be a bit on the conservative side, they accepted our relationship and seemed happy that Brent had found a partner. Brent’s mom and his sister Teresa were especially kind to us.
About a month after our trip, Brent brought home two kittens one day that a friend of his from work had given to him. They were very small, and irresistibly cute. We named them Cleopatra and Frederick, but called them Cleo and Freddie. They were so adorable. It was fun watching them play together. They got along well and we kept them until we moved to Nogales in early 1987. It was nice having pets, and these particular cats shed very little cat hair, which was a relief.
By September, Brent was presented with the opportunity to become a manager in the shipping and receiving department at Mervyn’s. The only catch was, he would have to move up to the Phoenix area to take the job. He decided to go for it, and before we knew it, he had moved out of our house and was living in an apartment up in Chandler. We visited each other regularly, but it was a difficult period for us. Being apart was a drag, to say the least, but we managed. We were both quite busy and that helped the time go by. By the following Spring, Brent realized that he wasn’t doing so well in his new job, and he came back home and landed another job working as a tile setter.
Work
I continued to work at Fry’s part time, about 25 hours a week, but I became increasingly unhappy with my job. I loved my co-workers, but the management staff were another story altogether. Some of them were nice, but there were others who were big jerks. After having worked for the company for nine years, I just couldn’t wait to leave. The job sure did pay well, however, and that’s why I stuck it out. I enjoyed having spending money. I’m not sure when I decided to become a union steward, but in the summer I attended an all day union stewards seminar. I worked hard to recruit new members to the union, something the management of the store wasn’t too thrilled about.
My education
I think I’ve always wanted to be a librarian. Ever since grade school, I would love to go to the library. I loved to read, plain and simple. My sister Becky would sometimes take me with her to the public library when I was a kid, and there also used to be a bookmobile that would park on the corner of 22nd and Cherrybell once a month on Tuesdays, and I would walk to it or get a ride to visit it whenever I could. In junior high, I would have joined the library club, but that was not something “boys” were supposed to do, so I bowed to the peer pressure and didn’t bother. In high school, however, I volunteered in the library at lunchtime and after school, and became friends with the librarians who worked there. One of them, Ms. Koster, bought me a brand new copy of the Joan Baez songbook as a thank you gift for having volunteered and another, Jeannette Bahr, helped me get a job at the UA library my freshman year. My English/newspaper teacher, Jane Cruz, had also enrolled in library school around 1975, and I was intrigued by her stories about someone named Dr. Trejo and the program she was in, the Graduate Library Institute for Spanish Speaking Americans.
I had received my BA in 1982, and for a couple of years, while I still took courses here and there , I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. I tried the graduate program in sociology , but as I’ve previously noted, things didn’t work out. I finally decided that I would try something else, and enrolled in Library School late 1984. I got accepted, and started the program in mid-January, 1985, determined this time around to complete the program and graduate, and to find a job as a librarian either in a public library or an academic library as quickly as possible. By the time I entered the program, Dr. Trejo had retired and the GLISSA Program had folded. I was one of just a handful of minorities in the School when I began my studies.
So there I was, getting ready to pick my first few courses in my new program. I have to admit, I didn’t know what to expect as far as what was offered was concerned. I knew that librarians built collections and helped people with their questions, but I didn’t know much else about what librarians actually did or what they had to know to do their jobs. It was a good thing that the school provided some guidance on course choices. There were required courses and elective courses. I decided to tackle the required ones first, so for the first semester, my classes were: Foundations of Library Science, Collection Development, and Basic Reference. The foundations class was supposed to cover the history of libraries and key issues and topics within the profession, such as ethics and community analysis. The basic reference course covered the tools one uses to answer factual questions, as well as tools that help people find more in-depth information. The collection development course covered things like the publishing industry, censorship, how books are reviewed, collection development policies and other topics. I found all three of these classes to be very interesting. There were exams throughout the semester. The ones for basic reference were held in the Central Reference department in the UA Main Library. The professor for the class was Dr. Donald Dickinson. He became my favorite teacher, and I took several courses from him while in Library School. I didn’t keep any documentation for the basic reference class, but I did keep all of my assignments from my other two classes. They were both taught by a woman named Gladys Stalschmidt, a recently hired professor. Unfortunately, she had difficulty maintaining control in her classes. There were two women, in particular, who talked incessantly in our Foundations class, wasting everyone’s time with their long, boring stories. They drove everyone crazy. Many students complained about Professor Stalschmidt’s inability to control the class, and as a result, she didn’t last long at the school. I really liked her, however. It’s too bad some people had such big mouths. They ruined the class for a lot of people.
My assignments for both classes are available here:
I ended up getting all A’s this particular semester. I was off to a great start.
In early May, the Mexican American Studies department held a convocation for Mexican American students. The guest speaker was the legendary activist, Jose Angel Gutierrez. In the late Sixties, he founded “La Raza Unida”, a political party in south Texas that had quite an impact in communities along the Rio Grande. The party spread to other regions of the Southwest, including the Tucson area. Gutierrez also authored several books, and was a revered leader in the Chicano movement.
When summer rolled around, I decided to do volunteer work at the Valencia branch of the Tucson Public Library. It was an interesting experience, but I didn’t put in as many hours as I would have liked. I also tried to get involved with the Tucson Lesbian and Gay Pride committee, but I dropped out after just a couple of meetings. The summer went by quickly. I received great news by summer’s end, and that was that I was being given a lot of financial aid. I was quite excited and humbled at the same time. I was, for a change, getting recognition for doing well in my studies.
In August, I enrolled in several classes, including Introduction to Information Science, Research Methods, the History of the US , Library Management and Cataloging. By October, however, I reduced my course load by dropping the research methods class and the history class. With Brent gone, I felt depressed, and I didn’t do as well in school as I could have. I even missed an important AZLA meeting, where I was supposed to receive the Alice B Goode Scholarship. Believe it or not, I really enjoyed taking cataloging. The professor, Margaret Maxwell, was a real pro, and she knew her stuff, and taught it well. My management class was taught by a lady named Helen Gothberg. She was very nice, and I did well in the class. My other class, Intoduction to Information Science, was essentially all about computers, which were just starting to catch on in the wider world. It was at this time that pc’s and word processors were starting to become more affordable. While I didn’t care for the class, I did learn the fundamentals of using databases, spreadsheets and word processing software.
Here are some of my management class papers from the Fall semester:
I ended the semester getting A’s in cataloging and management, and a B in Info. Science. One year down, one year to go!
Radio
When the year started, I was still hosting the Friday morning music mix and I was running the board for my friend and landlord, Ted Warmbrand, who hosted a program on Saturdays titled “Music from the Living Loom.” Ted was a challenge to work with at times, but he has always been a good hearted soul, so I didn’t mind helping him out. I loved doing my morning mix show, as I could play both Latin music and music in English, spanning a wide array of genres. There were guidelines in place, of course, as to what we should emphasize (lots of contemporary jazz. I called it elevator music), but we were also given a lot of freedom to play lots of different types of music. I particularly enjoyed adding leftist leaning, political music to my mixes, and found that overall, people really liked what I had to offer. I even got to produce a couple of special tribute shows, one on Aretha Franklin and another on Billie Holiday. I also came out on the air around this time. I vividly recall playing a song called “Glad to be Gay” and saying during the introduction, “I dedicate this to all of my brothers and sisters”. As luck would have it, one of my own siblings was listening at the time too! If he didn’t know I was gay before, he knew at that moment, that’s for sure!
Unfortunately, over time, the management of the station started to crack down on those of us who were stretching the boundaries of what was considered “acceptable” for daytime programming. One day sometime in March, I decided to play a tune titled, “Shoot First”, by Judy Collins. It’s an anti-gun song. After the show, I was called into the program manager’s office, and he let me know that he did not approve of my musical choices that day. I had also been getting harassed by Roger, another station manager, for bringing in my own music. That was enough for me. I decided right then and there to hang up my headphones, and I quit, which in hindsight was a bad move, but I was stubborn and didn’t like the idea of not having creative license to play what I thought I should be able to play. I had other things going on anyway, such as work and school. I have kept several cassette tapes of my shows from this time period. At some point, I’ll have them transferred and included in my Chicano Connection archive. Here are some of my playlists from the time:
My time away from the station didn’t last too long. One night at a street party, I ran into the station manager, Paul, and he asked me to come back to host one of the Thursday night Latin slots, from 11pm to 1am. While the hours weren’t great, I was happy to be able to go back, so on June 11, 1985, I started back up again at KXCI and called my new show “The Chicano Connection Revisited”. I would continue doing this show until the end of 1986, when I graduated from Library School.
Friends and family
I spent most of my free time with Brent during the first eight months of the year, so I didn’t get to see my old friends too often. I really missed them, but being with Brent, working, doing the radio show and going to school took up all of my time.
Sometime in the middle of the year, my good friends Ron and Jane moved with their two children to Washington DC, where Ron had landed an important position with the Catholic Church. I attended their going away party. It would be years before I would see them again. I regret that I had drifted away from them after high school, but I was young and immature, and distracted by lots of other things along the way. I’m just glad I didn’t lose complete touch with them. I would always try to see them when they visited Tucson, but those times seemed few and far between. In recent years, however,I’ve visited them in Washington a couple of times and they’ve also come to Tucson to visit. Today, I feel just as close to them as I did while in high school. As I think back on it, they were always there for me. I just didn’t realize it.
In July, my dad’s eldest brother Raul, died. He was the only one of my grandparent’s children to have been born in Mexico. He and his family lived in Superior since the 30s. His wife Prudence had died the year before. I wrote a blog post about him a while back: https://bobdiaz.net/2020/02/19/happy-birthday-tio-raul.
My buddy Richard and I stayed in touch throughout our lives, but our friendship wasn’t the same in the mid-80s. He had become very involved in sports and was on a softball team, and unlike me, he was just crazy about the Grateful Dead and was always going to their concerts. We clashed more often than not. We never stopped being friends, however, and we found time every now and then to hang out together.
My two buddies Scott and Tim each got married in 1985. Scott, the guy I had a giant crush on and for whom I wrote the song, “My Kind”, married a young woman named Penny Aldridge, who he had been dating for a year or so. I missed his wedding because I was traveling home from my Michigan trip with Brent, but I did get to participate in Tim’s wedding as a member of his wedding party. He married a woman named Chris Fox, a fellow UA student. The festivities were held in Trail Dust Town, and we all had a blast.
Scott and Tim both became police officers with the Tucson Police Department after college. What an amazing coincidence! I never dreamed Tim would become a cop. He just didn’t seem like the type. He was such a freak, with all that long hair, his guitar playing and his love for partying. He even moved on from the police department and went to work for the FBI, which was even more shocking. While I knew that Scott liked hunting and shooting guns, it came as a huge surprise to learn that he too had joined the police force. I lost touch with both of them long ago, but I think of them often. They were good guys. I miss them both, but so many years have gone by, I wonder how we’d get along now.
Another death in the family occurred in late December. My cousin Charlie Mendoza died from burn wounds he received from a car accident that took place near 22nd and Country Club on December 27. His brother Richard, who was driving the car Charlie was in, survived. Charlie was only 19. It was a terrible tragedy.
I didn’t spend much time with my friend Dennis in 1985. Unfortunately, he got sick, and by January of 1986, had passed away. He was a great friend, and we had a lot of fun together. His death was heartbreaking. He was the second of my friends who died of AIDS. The other was Leonard Brown. I had met both of them through John, my ex, back in 1979. They were real characters, and I think of them often.
My mom and dad were doing well at this time in their lives, although my mom still struggled with her aches and pains. My dad retired from the mines, and he and mom spent most of their time taking care of their grandchildren and great grandchildren. By 1985, my niece Belisa had three kids, Michelle had one, and my brother Rudy also had two. Fred’s daughter Edessa also spent a lot of time with my parents. Our family would continue to grow as the years went by. Becky and I were the only two who didn’t have children, but there were already plenty of grandkids to keep my parents busy.
Other stuff:
We were in the midst of the Reagan era. He had just won re-election at the end of 1984, so we were in for another four years of terrible fun. His administration was corrupt to the core and there were indictments and resignations taking place throughout the year. Reagan also continued to ignore the AIDS crisis, which hit Tucson pretty hard in 1985. He was also secretly funding the Contras, and a big scandal broke out that would continue for another two years.
On the bright side, there were lots of concerts that took place in Tucson that Brent and I both attended, and there were some great movies that came out as well, along with a number of great albums by some of my favorite artists. The following visual chronology includes many of these as well as other memorable events, places and topics.
A photographic/graphic chronology of events and activities for the year: